A Little Halloween!

 BOO!

Sorry to scare you! As Halloween (and my birthday) come closer I was thinking of writing a little bit on one of those holidays that people seem to really love. 

Candy-

Besides following the rules your CG has for you don't eat too much candy at once. This will cause bad tummy aches, sometimes acne, and you won't have any candy left for the next day!

Costumes-

As a little that love dressing up, this is my favorite part of the holiday! This year I have three costumes (which are also my cosplays for Anime Con) I'm going as Johnny Joestar (my favorite Jojo), lolita, and Ame from Wolf Children. I love dressing up and wearing things that I normally don't. As a trans-boi it makes me feel more like myself and showcase the real me.

Scary stuff-

I do not love this part. I have such a weird relationship with scary stuff.  I have been watching 'how to beat the Saw movie traps' this is even a little too much for me it makes me paranoid. If you like it and your CG lets you watch enjoy, for me, I'm sticking to little shows with Halloween themes.

Trick or Treating-

I hate how it looked down on -- like why can't an adult get some free candy? For me, I can pass as a small person if you can't buy some candy and enjoy with your CG.

Parties- 

Parties are usually a good time. For me I can't stay very long I get overwhelmed and a little overstimulated, other times I get introspective and sad. Anyway go and enjoy but don't eat too many treats -- no tummy aches. And be careful with alcohol.
 

I hope you have a happy holiday and get to spend some time enjoying it. Even if that means spending time in your pj's watching Dora with a little candy corn and maybe some warm apple cider. Whatever you do be safe and have fun!

Spooks and Spice,

Pannyboi41

Surviving A Job

 Welcome!

My little friends and CGs I have been having a really hard time at my new job. It's been super boring and I feel like I don't do much during the day. But my daddy has had a good idea to talk about the way in which a little can survive their workday. 

• ESstuffie - keep a small stuffed toy with you, when you need a hug give it a squeeze
• drink from cute bottles - there are many cute cups and bottles to drink from that can pass for an adult bottle
• eat little snacks - eating throughout the day is good to pack little snacks like cheese sticks and cut up fruit
• if you work at a desk, coloring stuff - sometimes there is a lull at work bring some coloring or activities to do at your desk
• wear cute socks - I love wearing little socks while at work, it makes me feel little without anyone noticing 
• if you have a smartwatch put cute backgrounds on it
• if you have a computer use cute wallpapers
• decorate your work bag to be a little more little freindly
• take walks where you can be your little self - at my lunchtime, I take walks and allow myself to decompress and feel little. I play games on my phone or skip around where no one can see 
• put cute toys on your desk - these are pretty normal so no one will ask
• bring a big sweater - I have a super comfy sweater at work that I snuggle in when in need of a hug
• Journal - another great downtime idea
• if you don't have a desk decorate your items like receipt book or notebook

Just a few ideas to make work a little more little. Just make sure you are safe and are having fun that is what being a little is all about!!

Playtime and Worktime,

Pannyobi41

Little Pets

 Hello,

Little and bigs alike love small cute animals and new friends so why not learn a little about having a little pet. As a LDR little myself that is living in an apartment having a pet can be a bit of a challenge BUT I have made it work and I'll tell you about it here:

Fishy

Because I live in an apartment I am not allowed to have pets :( but I am allowed to have a pet fish! So I got out my old fish tank from a few years ago and filled it with clean water and decorations. My water at home has chlorine in it so I had to buy chemicals to make it safe for my new friend. Once the tank was all set up I went to the pet shop and picked out a little red betta fish. She was only a few dollars and I picked her because I never had a female or red betta fish. She was also super active in her cup. Picking a fish was so challenging for me I wanted them all. Good thing I had daddy to help me make a good choice. With my new fishy friend, I learned about feeding, water temperature, and cleaning. I have had fish in the past but in a new environment, I had to work my way around the new place.  So far so good for me and my little Joy-girl. 

Anyway, that is my story of a little pet. Fish are a great start as they are easy to take care of even if you get a full tank with a filter, heater, and bubble bar. It's also fun picking out toys and fishy friends. Maybe one day ill get another female fish to add to my tank. Once a little learn about the responsibility of taking care of a fish a small pet may be a good move forward. This could be a rodent or reptile. Both are great fun and fun to take care of. After the small pet may be a cat, once again more responsibility but they can take care of themselves (bathroom, cleaning, etc.) Lastly a large pet like a dog. These are a lot to take care of and need a lot of attention. For me even if I could have a bigger pet I would stick with the fish as I can easily take care of them (no matter how responsible I am). 

If pets are completely off the table I would recommend a plant. Plants are great fun and you can learn a lot about your new plant friend and the best way to take care of them. It gives some responsibility without the fear of a pet. It's also nice because plants not need much in the way of attention, so vacations are great!

Where ever you start and whatever pet/plant you get having some responsibility is great for a little and gives them something to care about, just like you care for them. 

Fishies and Smiles,

Pannyboi41

A New Plan

 Heddo!!

My sweet littles and bigs I want to welcome you again to my blog, I hope you are having fun!

So daddy and I have been talking and we feel we have hit another rut SOOOO we decided to make being an LDR CGL couple more fun and exciting. 

Daddy had the idea of giving good boy points for different things that this little one does every day/week. These points will add up to allow me to get different gifts.

some of the points:

-exercising for 1 hour = 1

-eating a healthy meal = 1

-getting through work with a good attitude = 3

-food shopping for only healthy food = 1

-clean Joy's fish tank = 2

-clean my apartment = 2

-no self-harm = 1

-going to therapy = 1

-drinking enough water = 1 

-doing dishes = 1

-finishing my weight medication = 2

-taking all my meds on time = 1

-go to doctors appointments = 1

Ways to lose points:

-self-harming = -2

-not taking meds on time = -1

-eating candy/junk food = -1

-being pouty/bratty = -1

-not listening to daddy/CG = -2

-not fallowing the rules laid out or given = from -1 to -5

Gifts (no particular order):

-new small toy

-going to the book store

-going to build-a-bear

-new little item 

-new onesie

-new big toy

-new coloring or activity book

-special fish item for Joy

-daddy reads you a story before bed

-daddy sends you a card (with love)

-new stuffy 

-daddy makes a loving video for you to always have

-doki doki/ other Japan create

-candy/special dessert

-special "playtime"

The cute thing with this is we are using a cute thermometer to color in (and white-out if I lose points). 

So I just thought I would share this cute new thing we are doing, feel free to add your own thoughts!

All you need is...CANDY! 

Pannboi41

 

Cute Little Names

 Hi again,

So I know last week was a very heavy post but I am doing a tiny bit better, so I wanted to do something cute and light this week. 

My daddy thought it would be cute to make meaning to little names, here we go!

• little one - perfect for everyone! It makes a little melt
• prince/princess/princx - super cute and great when the little is being fussy remind them they are royalty but you are the king/queen
• puppy/kitty - fun if your little is into pup/kit play 
• _____ (insert animal here) - my daddy calls me his otter and I love it more than anything 
• little _______ (insert almost anything here) - he calls me his little pannycake and I find it adorable almost anything is cute if you add little in front of it
• brat - some littles love it others hate it, it can definitely get the attention of your little one and remind them of their place
• snuggle bug - for those moments when you are feeling cuddly 
• flower - even for little boys make sure they know they are beautiful in their own way
• Mr./Ms./Mx. - a great way of making your little feel special add their first name to makes it
  
  even cutier
• sunshine - they are your ray of sunshine after all
• love - remind them they are your love always 
• honey/bun - they are just so sweet
• cutey/pie - aren't they cute?
• smartypants - make sure they know they are super smart especially when doing a new activity

Super cute right? LOL I hope this list helps those CG come up with a few cute names to call their little one and make them feel special because they are!

Sunshine and Pannycakes,

Pannyboi41

Its been rough

TW!!!-Self Harm and Suicide 

Hi there, my friends.,

So I don't like to talk about hard things on this blog mostly because this was supposed to be something fun and enjoyable for both me and my daddy to create together. But these past 2 weeks have been really hard for me so I am going to take this time and space to talk about how I have been feeling. Please know this won't happen often but I think I really need to get some things down into words.

Two weeks ago I got a Facebook friend invite. I didn't recognize the person but I did recognize the second person in the picture. It was my old boyfriend, my first boyfriend, and my love for almost 5+ years. We were planning on getting married but we broke up because I started presenting more masculine. He stated that I needed time to "find myself". We promised to get back together and get married after both of us spent some time apart. Anyway, this girl had his last name and three children with him. They were married. That was supposed to be me. I don't think he thinks about me at all, I think about him every day. I don't do it to hurt myself it just happens. He was also my first daddy and the one to show me the CG/L community.  It was harmful to see his new wife and I ended up messaging her telling her that I think it is inappropriate for us to be friends. She stated she didn't mean to friend me and that was the end. It hurt it burned my insides and I didn't eat or do anything all day, it hurt. 

The next day I was on Reddit. I posted a question on the Catholic subreddit. In that post, I stated that I was dating a man and that I am also a man. This sent people into a tissy to the point people told me to leave the religion (I was born and raised Catholic). They said I was living in sin and should receive the holy bread and wine and that I need to stop being gay and just live by myself. They would rather me be sad and alone than with someone I love. They told me that I was wrong and that I don't deserve to be in the religion. This was the last nail in the coffin. 

I hadn't self-harmed since my grandmother was close to dying and I have never used a knife. I went to my kitchen and grabbed one of my kitchen knives. I cut my legs. I cut really deep in one spot that took a long time to heal. I cried and cried over how much I felt unloved, by my old bf, my religion, and God. I just felt like giving up and I wanted to end it all. After I cut and calmed down I cleaned myself and went to bed. 

That Thursday I had therapy and talked about what happened. He suggested holding ice or using a rubber band to stop the feelings of self-harm. I expressed that the release from self-harming was never this intense that I wanted to keep doing it. It just made me feel better - I didn't want to stop. But he talked me down and I was feeling better.

The next Sunday came and I got some bad news. I have been seeing a doctor for my weight. Ever since I got a new medication I have been gaining weight so I decided to see a doctor about it. The thing is my insurance doesn't cover my weight loss medication. That was fine because I had backup insurance that would. But I got a bill for the doctor's appointment and I had no way of figuring out why I was being charged. This caused so much anxiety because I wouldn't be able to afford the appointments and I really needed them. I tried to get over the anxiety with the help of my family but I just couldn't I ended up crying in bed for hours. I couldn't stop. I wanted to kill myself I wanted to die and be released from all the anxiety and pain. I was also dreading my next day of work as I haven't been enjoying my new job. I did the only thing that helped was that I got onto a text suicide line. I was able to be talked down after about an hour and help from the line and my boyfriend. That night before bed I took a bath but ended up scratching myself to the point of rash because I was still so pent up. I just couldn't stop myself.

It's been better but I still scratch and hurt myself a little bit here and there. Like this Monday I scratched my arm a little bit because I still felt so hurt. I have been having suicidal thoughts throughout the day but work has been keeping me busy enough to not focus on them. I also don't want to go to a hospital to get help because I would lose my job and I don't have the time to take off. 

I know this story is messed up and sad, but know I will do better and if you are suffering from self-harm or thoughts of suicide you can always talk with me. I may be going through this myself but I am a trained social worker and will not make you pay to get help when you need it. Please know there are people to talk with you and they won't send you away. If you need help reach out no one will be bothered and it's better than suffering alone. I know what it feels like to suffer alone, scared, and crying. Talk to anyone someone, even just a text line -- it's better than hurting yourself or dying. You may not feel loved but I promise you are even if it's just your pet fish or that one tree outside -- you are loved. 

Take Time for Yourself - Self Care,

Pannyboi41

Keeping a Little Healthy

Hello and Welcome!

So this week was full of a lot of ways I had to keep myself healthy so I decided to blog about it and help all those CGs care for their little to the best of their abilities. 

• make sure they go to their appointments - even though we all hate the doctor they are very important and we need to make sure those little ones are doing well physically
• share healthy food and recipes - for the little in an LDR my daddy cant make me food so he shares yummy recipes to make sure I am eating well
• make sure they get to sleep - don't keep them up too late if possible I know it can be heard with LDR but sleep is an important part of a littles health
• exercise! - even if it's just for a few minutes getting that heart rate up makes every little better
• read and learn - keep that brain working and learn something new or go to a wonderful world through a book
• go to therapy - we can all use it (yes even me!) even CGs
• journal - it's a great way of staying mentally fit and relax after a long day
• food log - I keep one and my CG loves it because he gets to see what I eat during the day and it helps me on my weight loss journey
• give treats - everyone deserves something special 
• keep their spending in check - don't be too controlling but sometimes we littles get a little stuffie crazy at the store so make sure we don't spend too much (especially for use with rent) 
• help them get spiritual -  this isn't for everyone but go to church with your little or do some Wicca magic with them whatever they get their spirituality on
• help them at work - I know it sounds hard but maybe send them cute messages throughout the day or give them a little stuffie to keep at their desk anyway to brighten the workday
• let them have friends - I know it can be hard you want that little all to yourself but having friends is really important and make sure you are a good friend and not just a CG
• make sure their environment is right - this makes a happy little, keep it safe and cozy

Taking care of a little can be hard but making sure they are happy can come from a simple text or a hug after a hard day. This list is just a short grouping of things that helps a little have the best life they can have, just remember to follow the wellness wheel.

Caring and Cuddles,

Pannyboi41