Rules, Rule, Rules

 Nice to see you all again,

So daddy and I have been talking about rules lately and what they mean for me as a little. As a little that works not only one stressful job but two rules are a way of finding peace in the hectic world. Currently, I am working on a COVID unit at the psych hospital I work at and I also work at an old folks home. The COVID unit is scary because of the well, COVID and the home is hard because I can easily pass COVID and my boss has been very rude to me lately. For me, rules are a way of allowing my brain to shut off and do what I am told. At work, I am told to do a bunch of things but I am ridiculed for the way I do them. I know daddy would never do that to me and would be happy I am just following through. Rules also are for my own benefit so I know what I am doing is helping me in the end. Sometimes rules get in the way and ake me more tired or just make me angry but I know daddy would be proud if I at least "half-assed" (teehee bad word) my rules instead of not following them at all. 

Daddy and I finally finished up our good boy chart and will be starting that this week. I am really excited to start as now I can earn points for following my rules and being the good boy I know I am. For me, rules keep me grounded and healthy. 

When it comes to little culture rules are a huge part of being a little. When I was first finding a daddy that was one of my first questions "what kind of rules do you have?" For some, they want more rules (like me). For others, they want just  a few like "no cheating, eat well, drink water and  listen to me (CG)." Some littles don't want rules at all, but I don't find that to be the case many times. I think rules are a very important part of the little world, they keep us safe, sound, in the right mind, controlled, and active in our own lives.  They make sure we don't self-harm and take our medication. We do self-care and take care of our stuffies. Rules make little remember that we are important! 

Respect and Love,

Pannyboi41

Happy New Year -- Manga Review!

 Happy New Year!

This year has been a hard one for sure but we got through it with the help of each other and the love we have for ourselves and our stuffies :). So I was trying to come up with an idea for a blog this week and I was reading a cute manga and I wanted to review a few of the manga I love that make me either feel little or feel like fall into the little community. (sorry I suck at Japanese names so I am going to go by descriptions lol)  

-Sweetness and Lightning: I love this manga! I first saw the anime and just felt so connected to the young girl character! I also love cooking so this manga brought my two favorite coping skills together. This book is a story of a single father trying to take care of his young daughter as she grows up. They both learn many lessons through the manga, but the focus is on both of them growing together. The food comes in when the father feels like he can't cook well for her and wants to learn. He asks a student of his for help and they become great friends learning to cook together! It's a lovely story for those that want to feel little and cared for and want to learn great Japanese recipes (recipe cards included). For me, it's comfort and I learn good lessons from the fictional daddy.

-If it's for my daughter, I would even defeat a demon lord: I picked this one up randomly for cheap at the book store and I totally fell in love! This book takes place in a fictional world where demons and people live together in a world of magic. A young man comes across a young demon girl that has been force from her family for unknown reasons. He decides to take her in and care for her as his daughter. As he is an adventurer he has all the means to send her to school and buy her anything her heart desires. She also spends most of her time with the inn owner where she learns to cook and take care of the patrons who would give their lives for the little girl. I have read all the manga but I have just started the light novels which are what the mangas are based on. These are super fun for the littles that love a good adventure but still want to feel little. They also make me a little jealous I want all the sweet things she gets lol. 

-Little Devils: This one is just fun, like totally fun and kind of dumb. It's a story of a bunch of little devils that are parts of a larger devil. Each has its own power that corresponds to the body part of the main devil (like one is the tail and can use his tail to move things). they also have their own personality and friends within their little community. The fun part is their caretaker is the adventurer that took out the main devil that they broke into. His job is to make them stronger and wiser so they can take care of the underworld without trying to kill all the people on the earth. Throughout the story, you meet all sorts of Gods and angels that help along the way but mostly you run into problems like needing new clothes and washing hands before eating. It's a fun still story that just makes you feel silly and cute. I love it as a little and a big alike. 

I know there is a ton more little/caregiver
manga but here are a few that I have read and wanted to share (I also want to save a few for next time ;)). If you know of any manga that you find comforting and little please share below!!

Read and Snuggle,

Pannyboi41

A Christmas Special

 Hello, my friends,

It's been a crazy few weeks, hasn't it? From IUDs to travel to work to work to work! But it's finally holiday time actually it's Christmas Eve and sadly I have to work but I wanted to make a list of all the fun things that can be done on Christmas Eve for a little and CG alike!

• Drink hot cocoa or tea
• Watch old Christmas movies - yes the claymation ones
• Wrap gifts for others
• Make crafts and paints
• Decorate trees and rooms
• Go out and see the lights!
• Cook and eat cookies
• Write Christmas and New Years cards
• Put up lights inside
• Color Christmas pages
• Read "The Night Before Christmas"
• Put out milk and cookies for Santa
• Play in the snow or at least outside
• Finish your advent calendar (last night!)
• Decorate with paper rings!
• Make snowflakes out of paper
• Snuggle and stay warm
• Decorate stockings and fill them up with candy!
• Last-minute shopping
• Enjoy a lovely meal together 
• Follow Santa on Google 
• Eat that candy- yes you can!!!

I hope you have a lovely holiday season and a happy new year! Enjoy it with your CG, friends, or family whoever makes you happy!

Peace and Joy,

Pannyboi41

I'm Back!

 Hey There!

It's been a  while but I am back! Not only back to the blog but back to New Hampshire! I went to see my daddy in Texas and had a really good time and I am really excited to tell you all about it.

I had a really easy flight coming in. I stayed at my brother's house which is closer to the airport and my dad drove me in, he also bought me a bagel and coffee which was a nice treat before my flight. Security was easy and this one really nice TSA agent asked my age thinking I was younger than 18, it was really silly.  Once on the plane, I had the entire row to myself and the plane had free wifi, chargers, and TVs, it was super cool!

I met with my daddy and we drove to his place. I took a lovely shower with him and we rested a little. I didn't really sleep the night before because of my new medication, so it was nice to cuddle and rest with him. That night we went to one of my favorite restaurants in Texas. A small Indian place where I ate to my heart's content. 

The next day was a little crazy! We had a rehearsal dinner for my daddy's sister's wedding. He was in the wedding but I just sat around in the blazing heat trying not to melt. To make up for the heat daddy took me to the mall where I got a few new books and a cute outfit for my build a bear. Daddy also bought me these super cute anime figure keychains. At the dinner, we had some yummy food and daddy let me have a glass of wine. That night I got a little more sleep. 

The next day was the wedding. We got ready and went to the outdoor venue. I got to meet so many people that were related to my daddy that I had never met before. It was really cool and super fun to meet everyone. The only thing was even at 4:30 PM is was well over 100 degrees and over 98% humidity. I was sweating so bad and I felt really awful for being so gross at the wedding. After the ceremony we had dinner and I took care of my daddy as he was also really hot. We ate some food and talked with his family some more and enjoyed our first wedding together. 

The next few days were super relaxing! We spent them sleeping in eating my favorite foods including Mexican, french (my favorite restaurant in the entire world), Asian and American. We went to see the new   Sword Art Online movie which was surprisingly good and we went shopping a few more times in various malls. It was just an easy-going experience with my daddy. 

My daddy really shined (as usual) when I got this really bad rash/acne on my back from sweating so bad at the wedding. I was super upset about it to the point of crying in his arms. I also was upset because I had read that I could get bad acne from my IUD. My daddy brought me to the store and bought me a ton of products for my face and body to make me feel better. He also bought me more pads because I was running low. He was not embarrassed at all and was so willing to even buy me the "good" ones. 

The flight home was a bad one. Not only was my plane delayed a bunch of times, but it was so hard to say goodbye to my daddy. I cried so much saying goodbye and even cried on the plane a few times. It was just so hard. I miss him every day. What really hit me hard was he called me a particular pet name that just shot right to my heart. 

But it got worse...when my dad came to pick me up from the airport he was acting kind of weird. Once we were in the car he turned to me and said he couldn't hold it in any longer. He said my fish that he had been taking care of had died. I bawled my eyes out. I just sat there and cried as my dad held me and cried with me. He was so upset that the fist had died in his care. I miss my Joy so much. 

Sorry for the mess of a story,

I miss you Joy and Daddy,

Pannyboi41

Something Scary!

 Hello my friends,

This might be NSFW - talk of IUD insertion (this may make some people uncomfortable) 

So I wanted to talk about something that happened recently its really not a little/ddlb thing but I find this a safe space where I can talk about what is going on in my life. Yesterday I had to get and IUD inserted. I made the choice to do it because I will be starting hormones soon and I wanted to make sure I don't get pregnant, it's also safer for my body. These IUDs also don't put a lot of the female hormones in my body compared to other methods of BC. My daddy and I use other protection too but we find this to be that safety option and will protect us, me and allow me to transition. 

Here is the scary part. I scheduled the appointment and I had heard that it was going to hurt but I didn't think much of it. It was about a month after I had planned the appointment that I had the procedure. Throughout the month I was always looking at Reddit and other forums about getting the IUD. This made me so scared - some people pass out! 

So the night before the insertion I had to put these weird pills inside of myself. They made me have contractions so my body would be ready for the placement. I had to take on the night before it is made it really hard to sleep. I also had my COVID booster so I was double sick. It was really hard to sleep but I got through it. 

The morning of I used the medication again. I also had to work most of the day. It was hard getting through it with some of the worst cramps I have ever had in my life plus I was bleeding  a bit. But I got through it and 1 hour before the appointment I took Advil to help with the pain. 

I got to the office and a really nice older nurse came in to help me get ready. She asked me a bunch of questions that were pretty basic for a doctors visit and I had to do a pregnancy test. When I came back with the test the nurse brought in a huge I mean HUGE needle. It had to be like afoot long. I tried not to look but it was hard not to notice. The nurse apologized and told me she was going to get it on the tray before I came in but I was too quick. She then said that I wouldn't even feel it. I laughed and said "that's what they all say". She gave me a sheet and had me undress from the waist down. I sat on the table on the paper and a medical pad and I waited for the doctor. 

She came in and asked if I was nervous I told her I was and she said it would be okay. She asked a few more questions and then did an internal exam. That was quick and painless but then she brought out the speculum. I always hate those as I have a small body and they pinch all over. I tried to relax as the doctor did some more feeling and looking. She then cleaned my cervix with iodine. This felt really weird but nothing painful. She then told me to cough, a really good cough. The nurse stood beside me and tried to calm me down a bit. So I coughed a few times and the nurse asked if I could feel it. I said no and she smiled "I told you so," she said. So after that I didn't really know what happened besides a horrible pain when the clamp was used.  I gave out a few shouts of pain and the doctor apologized and kept working. The nurse kept telling me to take deep breaths. I tried to relax as the device was inserted inside of me. This also hurt a bit but nothing like the clamp. After that the clamp was removed and she had to cut the strings. This was funny as the first pare of scissors didn't work so she had to get  a second set. She had to be careful as dull scissors could pull everything out. 

It was finally over and she pulled all the tools out. I was bleeding a bit and she cleaned me up a a bit. The nurse and doctor told me to stay laying down with my legs up. When the IUD is inserted it causes a really bad contraction and this reduces blood pressure. So I rested there a while and slowly got up. the nurse came back and helped me get up and stand. She was really polite and even hide behind the current when I got up. I mean she saw everything so it was kind of funny to see her hide when while I was naked. So I changed and cleaned myself up. I was still bleeding a little so I used a pad to keep clean. 

I was finally done! It wasn't the worse thing in the world, but it hurt for sure. The scariest part was my daddy wasn't there to hold my hand. If he was there I wouldn't feel anything and feel protected and safe. I mean the nurse did a great job at keeping me calm and the doctor was amazing (as she usually is with me even calling me my preferred name and is very good with my body and my dysphonia). I did text my daddy to tell him it was done and he was so proud of me. I was so scared before and I texted him right until I had it done. He made me feel so good about getting it done and how it will make out life better. 

Once home I spent the night in bed as I was cramping a lot and the doctor told me to spend the night watching Netflix and relaxing. So it was all over!

So this was a weird experience to me. It wasn't even that dysphonic, I thought it was going to be terrible but my doctor was so good and just made me feel so comfortable and safe. 

Sooooo on a totally different note... I get to see my daddy!!! I am flying to see this Thursday!! I can't wait and I will tell you all about it once I get back next Thursday. The nice thing is daddy gets to take care of me because I am still feeling yucky from the IUD and he said he would buy me something special for being such a  brave boy.

Until next time,

Safe and Protected,

Pannyboi41

 

Way to Show Affection

 UwU Hi There,

I hope you are all doing well, happy trans awareness week! I was having a hard time coming up with an idea for a blog but as always my daddy was here to help! He thought a blog on affection would be a good idea as we are going to be seeing each other in less than two weeks!

• gift-giving - this is always a good one when you are in LDR it's a way for your CG or L to know they are being thought of
• letters and cards - sending a sweet message is a great way of showing someone you love them while keeping the price down
• hugs - some people love them some don't but they are a lovely way of showing love in a way that isn't sexual
• kisses - the best to me! I love being kissed and I find it such a cute way of showing affection! I don't mean just lips kisses but head kisses and hand kisses
• touching - not in a naughty way but a hand on the back or holding hands really can convey the love you have for someone
• taking care - this is a basic one! Taking care of your CG or your little is the best way of showing love! Reminding them to eat or having to punish them is the most basic way of spreading love in a CGL relationship
• cuddling and snuggling - keep cozy and warm together showing how much you want to be close
• doing chores - more for littles but keeping up with your chores shows you respect your CG
• words of love - saying sweet things can really improve someone's mood and make them feel like you really care
• spending time - it can be hard to spend time with each other in an LDR but even taking the time to send a text or to call for a few minutes can really show your affection

As some of you may have noticed I used love languages to write some of this - some hold belief
in it and others don't I think they are real and I think they can really help people better understand their partner. Take a quiz and see if it shows you more about how you love and how you like to be loved.

Hugs and Cuddles,

Pannyboi41

Some Updates

 Hello, my lovelies,

I really didn't have an idea for this week but some big life stuff just happened so I wanted to share!

So I am getting a second job! I know what you are thinking "when are you going to have time to be little and to write your blog?!" Well, I will still have time I promise! I am not going anywhere! There may be some breaks here and there when I need some time to myself and the blogs may come out on different days but I promise I'll do my best for you all. Also, the job only goes to about 7:30 PM and it starts right after my other job ends. I am doing this for a few reasons: 1) I have been having a hard time mentally and keeping busy helps 2) I have more medical expenses than I originally thought so I could use some extra money to pay for that 3) I enjoy working! Yes you read that right I enjoy spending time with others and helping which is what I can do at this second job (I will be working in dietary in a facility) 

The next big news is I am going to be starting T again soon! I finally got up the nerve and had a good talk with my daddy and we decided a low dose of T will help with my dysphoria. I made the appointment today with the LGBT+ clinic in town and will have my first appointment in December. I am excited but still really nervous because I had some trouble with my parents and acceptance in the past -- the reason I had to stop originally. Also, I have to hide it from my daddy's parents as they are really not accepting of me being trans (hence the low dose - easier to hide the changes). So exciting also scary and the last time I was on it we had to mess with the dose a lot because I was having side effects but because I know now I should have an easier time.  And I went to the store to buy some pants for my job and I found a book about trans identities and it was written by an emby person that was AFAB. I felt so right about making the choice to start T. It felt like a god-sent like I just happened to call the clinic today and I happened to find the book while I was out shopping for pants for my new job -- so many coincidences! I had to buy the book :)

I will be seeing my daddy soon! So in about a month I will be boarding a plane and heading to see my daddy for his sister's wedding. I am so excited to go to a wedding with him as I have never been to a wedding with a date before. It should be really fun and it will be nice to show off a little. The only downside is I have to wear a dress :(.

So that seems to be the big update, sorry for the lame post but I wanted to share my good news and hopefully brighten your day a little just knowing a trans little is doing good.

Rainbows and Lovebugs,

Pannyboi41